A song that's meant for two
by HarrySirius
Summary: Sam doesn't want to save a world without Dean. And Dean doesn't want to live in a world without Sam. A Swan Song Tag.


_I never felt that Swan Song should have ended as it has. This is something that has been running through my mind since I saw that episode. And now it finally got out._

_Warnings: wincest and character death (obviously)_

:::

**A song that's meant for two** ~a swan song tag

The silence in the car is almost touchable and both men are well aware of that. The third, not really a man, sleeps peacefully in the backseat and he couldn't be more oblivious to the tension filling their bodies. Both envy the angel, wishing for once that something like 'feeling' was nothing they had to do. But they feel – more than they can cope with at the moment. It's crushing them – and each for a different reason.

One doesn't want to die – while the other doesn't want to _live._ And yet the same thing forces both of them to just do that. Almost.

"You know, I'm not coming back. When I jump into the cage that's it." Sam says carefully, his voice not betraying the fear he's feeling at the moment.

Dean just looks at him for a second, his eyes darkening dangerously. When he doesn't respond, his brother pressures the topic a bit further, knowing that Dean is at the brink of breaking.

"You have to promise me something. You're not trying to get me out." He knows it's beyond possible for the other to give him that promise, that it breaks his older brother even more if that's possible. But it's Dean he's asking, and he will give in eventually. Dean never says no to Sam.

"What?" the hunter barks and his green eyes are blazing. "Why would I do that?" he demands, taking his eyes off the road, staring daggers at Sam. The taller one sighs, knowing what he's doing to him, fearing what that means.

"It's Lucifer, we're talking about. The cage has to stay closed. And you know it. Promise me Dean. When this is done, you go to Lisa – and let's hope she is dumb enough to take you in – you go to Lisa and live a friggin' apple pie life! Will you do that Dean?" Sam knows he's crushing his brother's heart right now, pushing him towards a person like that, away from _him._ He can see it in the short widening of the soulful eyes, sees right down to the core, where all the pain and heartbreak lies. The eyes are pleading _'please Sammy, don't make me promise'_ but it's in vain. Sam wants to know, _needs_ to know that there is someone taking care of his brother when he is no more. He needs to in order to jump. Why saving a world without his brother in it?

Dean's silent again, eyes back on the road, eyes like stone, but Sam knows better. He has seen the pain and above all the love for him. Too much love – but not enough to save him. The silence is Dean's way of giving the promise Sam so desperately needs and the young man is grateful for that.

:::

The flapping of the curtains makes Dean nervous and he's been striding through the motel room they rented for an hour straight now. Sam can see that, understands, but it still unnerves him. He needs his brother now, calm and strong. He knows that he's being unfair, that he's asking too much of Dean, but he needs to nevertheless.

"Would you just sit down?" he asks briskly, making his brother stop dead in his tracks. Green eyes turn on him and the pain they are showing is not what Sam wants to see right now. He knows he's being selfish here but he's about to die an there's no denying _that_. It scares him more than he lets on and that's why he needs Dean to stay alert and calm.

The older one complies though and Sam can feel the mattress shift under Dean's weight. His brother is close, but not close enough and Sam just knows exactly why.

"Dean…" he whispers after another eternity of silence and he can feel the tension radiating of his brother in waves. "I know…." He starts but Dean interrupts him sharply, eyes squeezed shut and his body trembles. "Shut up, Sammy…" he whispers through clenched teeth and Sam draws in a sharp breath. He's at a loss here, wants so badly to ease the pain in Dean's chest but at the same time needs to be selfish so he can do what he has to.

"Listen to me, Dean… I…" he starts all over again, but it is still in vain.

"I said SHUT UP!" Dean yells then and before Sam knows how to blink his brother has him on his back on the bed, trapped beneath his body and he feels his lips being crushed in a forceful kiss. His first instinct is to push Dean away, to talk it out, because that is just so _Sam,_ but after seconds of merely _feeling_ he just gives in. Because he knows that this is what they both need.

:::

The morning is still hours away but the day that brings the end draws nearer and neither of them is able to sleep. Sam can feel Dean's body pressed close to him, skin to skin, both smelling of sweat and sex and desperation. Yet again he is overwhelmed by the vulnerability Dean lets him see, but this time he can't bring himself to take what he needs. It's him who's leaving after all. And not for the first time he wonders if he's not asking too much of his older brother, his soul-mate, his _Dean._

"I thought it over."

Dean's voice is hoarse and weak and Sam almost winces at the mere sound of that. Yet he knows better than to ask, because if Dean starts to talk about what's inside him he's not to be interrupted.

"And I'm sorry…but… I…I can't give you that promise. I can't."

Sam can feel the coldness sweep over his body and he slowly turns around to face Dean. His brother's eyes are closed, his mouth slightly open, lips trembling. And it breaks Sam's heart in ways the young man hadn't known possible. He draws in a shuddered breath and his voice is slightly pitched when he speaks.

"You can't take it back, Dean. I _need_ you to keep it…" Once again he knows how selfish that is, but it's simply the truth and that's all there is to that.

"I never agreed in the first place!" That one comes out harsh and now Sam finds himself confronted with angry and desperate green eyes. They stare at each other for another while and Dean is the first to break the contact.

"I just can't do it, Sammy. I can't go on and pretend that I'm okay with living while you're…you're…" It hurts Sam to see Dean like this, to know that he's the cause for that pain but he can't help it. He's the one that has to jump. At least that is what Sam's telling himself over and over again. He's the one with the burden of saving the world. Not Dean.

_Only that he's the one who has to live with that burden, when I'm gone._

Sam tries to shut down the tiny voice in his head, but fails miserably.

"Please Dean, don't do this to me. You know there is no other choice for me. I have to do this. But how can I, when I know that you're lying around somewhere, torn and broken and _alone_? Or maybe even dead? Why should I save the world in the first place when it hasn't got you to offer? I need you to be in it, so I can make the decision to save it." Sam can feel Dean tense up and at the same time he feels his own body shaking slightly from the effort of keeping himself from breaking down. He wants to do that, break down and cry and ask Dean to save him from his fate that he brought on him himself.

"Why save the world when you're not in it." He whispers again and closes his eyes as a tear slips free.

A choked sob escapes his lips as he feels gentle fingers catching the tear, resting on his cheek and soft lips brushing lightly against his. Dean's voice is firmer than before but still awfully quiet and Sam opens his eyes to have himself staring into deep green yet again.

"And why do you think I would want to live in a world without you?"

It's a simple question but it catches Sam off guard and he just blinks stupidly at his brother.

"Thing is, Sam, I don't. For as long as I can remember my place has been right beside you. First because Dad told me to, then because I wanted to and finally because I needed to. And now you're here, telling me I have to go on without you. Leave you. I simply can't do that, Sammy. And you can't ask me to. Please..." Dean's voice sounds broken again, the plea so heartbreaking that Sam has to restrain himself from crying out loud. But at the same time the words just make the world click into place. Just like that.

"I'm coming with you. I'm not gonna let you jump in alone. Where you go I'll follow. It's a simple as that." Sam can feel Dean's heartbeat close to his, his breath on his face and his eyes show no trace of doubt.

"So please, _Sammy_… don't leave me behind."

And Sam simply nods, closing the distance and loosing himself in everything that is Dean.

:::

"_I've got him Dean! I've got him!" Sam is scared and he can feel Lucifer raging inside him, clawing at his soul, trying to break free again. But the younger Winchester stands strong as he dodges Michael's attack, sending the archangel into the cage in one swift motion. His eyes then dart back to the hunched form of his brother, Dean's beautiful face barely recognizable through all the blood and bruises._

_When clouded green eyes look up Sam catches the silent question and a small smiles creeps onto his face as he nods slightly. _

"_Don't worry Dean. I'm not leaving you behind…"_

"_Sammy…"_

_Their hands never leave each other as they are pulled into eternal darkness._

_::: fin :::_

_comments highly appreciated. love HS  
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